One of the most damaging and devastating aspects of narcissistic abuse
Is the inconsistency, the volatility that other people do not see.
Notice how it is carefully hidden and reserved just for you! Or, you and the kids.
DISARMED AND DROPPED FROM A GREAT HEIGHT
Who will you be dealing with today or even through different parts of the day?
Dr Jekyl or, Mr Hyde?
You just never know what you are going to need to deal with or be faced with
The huge and inexplicable lows and highs that come out of no-where!
Building you up to the highest highs and then, in an instant
Sending you crashing down to the lowest lows, that constant roller coaster ride,
But this one, when you have had enough, you can’t get off.
The internal chemical warfare that takes place, as your brain tries to keep up!
Are we at peace? Are we at war? What happened? And why?
The thing that was fine yesterday, they were seemingly on board with?
Today it is the worst thing you have ever suggested and this is made clear to you
In a way that is full of disdain, contempt and impatience.
The skills and your abilities that they were praising to other people?
Today, behind closed doors, they are ripped to shreds, you are nothingAnd no one,
Everything about you is called into question
Your hopes, dreams and goals shattered
Everyone in your life, your friends, colleagues business associates, are called into question
Your friendships dissected and found wanting.
They are shouting, having a temper tantrum and you just want to retreat to safety, but, there is none to be found.
You find yourself a shrivelled version of who you were just a short while ago, your defences were down, you were not expecting or prepared for battle and the attack is relentless.
You literally call your whole life, your purpose and reason for being into question.
The next day you whole body is still shaking from the trauma of what you faced the day before and there is your abuser, bright and sunny asking
“What shall we do today?”
Incredulous, you try to point out that you are still reeling from the day before and,
they look puzzled? Asking you what you mean?
Don’t be ridiculous, It wasn’t that bad, you are making it up, you took it to heart, you are too sensitive, I was just having a bad day! You need to move on, get over it.
You try to explain that actually, you probably can’t do too much today, you need time to recover and even your voice is shaking.
That for you, this was a big deal and you cannot just “Get over it”
“Recover from what? What do you mean?” they ask followed by
“Oh well, I thought we could have a lovely day out but, if you want to spoil it???”
Now you are spoiling their day!
They have planned lunch out, but, if you don’t want to go?
If you don’t want them to make plans and do nice things for you?
If you are just going to throw it back at them?
Oh well, they just won’t bother any more.
Clearly you do not appreciate them!
They make you feel guilty, gaslight and manipulate, until you give in!
You wonder if there is in fact something wrong with you?
Did you over react?
Are you too sensitive?
It is easier to keep the peace, you don’t have the energy for another battle
Then you put on a brave smile, you gather up your shaking body and you face the world, as if nothing happened because as far as your abuser is concerned, nothing did.