How to be Happy!
There are so many buzz words around our lives now, all about how we should focus on; passion, purpose , soul, energy, law of attraction, the universe. It is easy to feel lost and confused, even left behind in all the hype and white noise.
What does it mean? What should I do?
Whatever happened to good old fashioned happiness? That all elusive happiness.
Luckily, even happiness can be summed up by a formula these day! If that doesn’t sound very romantic, a bit generic? Then at least be grateful that once you understand why you are not happy at the moment ( if you are not) then the possibility of finding happiness becomes a whole lot clearer once you understand the process.
A process? For happiness? Yes, A process for happiness!
The secret to happiness actually lies in your past. You see your early experiences painted a picture for you of the world around you, what to expect and HOW THINGS SHOULD BE. This is your blueprint, it is what you learnt about how things NEED TO BE for you to be happy. You will actually be unhappy in situations and circumstances that are not as you PERCIEVE or have LEARNT they SHOULD be.
Don’t take my word for it, apply it to your own life, you will see that the areas of your life you are happy with are those that fit your pattern, meet your expectations. The areas you are unhappy with are where reality has not met your expectations or you have not been able to follow your plan.
As a coach, I believe that we have to be real, raw and authentic to illustrate our points so, let me share something to illustrate this for you. The very short version of a very long story!
When I was young we were very poor and I was bullied at school for it. From a very early age I felt that I was not good enough and it affected me most of my life. It is something that I have only recently overcome. Because I was the eldest of 4 children and my mother did not work I grew up with an absolute obsession with working and providing for myself.
No matter how irrational it seems now, my younger self believed that I had to work not to be poor AND that by doing so I could also protect my children from poverty and the kind of bullying that I grew up with. I was never going to be a stay at home mum, I had to work! So, I have always been very driven ( not necessarily by healthy reasons) to achieve and contribute outside, rather than inside the home and even in my early 20s had a very good job and have always earnt above average. My psychological driver being, avoid poverty, protect my children and help my husband provide for us (Whether he wants me to or not!)
I was 30 years old and 7 weeks pregnant with my twins when I had a very bad car accident that was not my fault. They were fine but, I was NOT! What followed was ongoing lower back, neck and shoulder problems. I tore the discs in my lower back, had trapped nerves in my neck and tissue damage to my shoulder which has never properly healed. All of this while I was pregnant with not just 1 but 2 babies.
My injuries meant that I could not work! We were now 4, not just 2, down to one salary and my husband was self employed, my worst fears had come true! After all of my careful planning we were barely able to get through the month and I was devastated. My greatest fear had come true and I had bought my children into a situation of poverty.
In fact this was not true, or not to the extent that I reacted to it. We were surrounded by loving and supportive family, we had a lovely home, clothes, food and we were warm. Sure, there was no money for extra luxuries but, such was my fear for my children that I could not see how fortunate we were, I could only see what we were not and I was desperately unhappy and sank into a deep and long depression ( 5 years) I felt a complete failure because I could not work.
I did not actually start to pull myself out of it until the boys started school and I started to physically heal. With that, I could look at earning again and get my focus back to where it SHOULD be, as far as I saw it. I wasted no time in finding some way that I could help provide and once I had some income again, I was soooooo happy!
At the time I remember I would often ask myself what was wrong? Why could I not be happy and grateful for what we had? It is only now that I understand the importance of my blueprint, the one I created for myself that I understand why I was so unhappy. My situation literally went against everything that I had made important to me and worst of all, my children were at risk (as I saw it)
Try this for yourself and see what you come up with.
I wish I had understood at the time how restrictive my SHOULD was. When you work with someone who understands, you can work on changing your blueprint and releasing its hold on you. If you cannot achieve in one way, then find another! Find another way to contribute and be significant. Loosen your RULES and seek happiness in another direction.
Tear up your blueprint if it no longer serves you. Find freedom to be you!