The effect of showing appreciation, is vastly underestimated by most of us, when it comes to our relationships. We all like to be appreciated for what we do but, how often do we show our partners how much we appreciate them for something they have just done for us? Maybe it was just something simple but, whatever it was, they put time, effort and energy into it and should to be appreciated for that. When was the last time you appreciated your partner just for who they are? How do you feel about all the things you do that you do not get appreciated for?
To be honest, I thought I had this appreciation giving down to a tee, always paying attention to it, noticing and saying thank you, making sure my husband knew and making him feel great. Appreciated men, just like to keep on giving so it is a two way win win and just one of the many, many areas of communication, amongst other things that we have improved to the huge benefit of our 23 year marriage.
As with all things though, between any two people, I have learnt that my perspective is not the same as his and assuming anything is the road to disaster at worst and a lack of understanding at least. That is why it is so important to pay attention to each other, otherwise we miss things and what I nearly missed was VERY IMPORTANT, that is why I am sharing it with you.
I was finished telling my husband about how much I appreciated something he had done when I realised that he was not present in what I was saying. He is a single focused man but, I had made sure l got his attention first and that it was a good time to say something, so, what was wrong? He did not seem to be at all engaged so, I stopped and went away to think about this and then, it occured to me! so, I went back, made sure the timing was ok again and then asked this simple but very revealing question.
“How would you like me to show you appreciation?” (Aside from sex! for most men that is a no brainer) “is it ok that I always just tell you?”
He looked up and smiled and the look on his face seemed to say ” Ah, now she gets it” and he said “No, mostly I just need a hug!” Wow! I could not believe it! all this time, I had been showing appreciation with words and he needed it with just a quick show of affection.
Do you realised that just me knowing this is a game changer? As long as I now apply what I know. Knowledge is not power, knowledge plus action is power. Now I have the power to make something great even better and it was just a simple question that got me there.
There is no point showing appreciation (or love for that matter) in a way that does not feel like that to your partner. In this and all things we need to ask questions to better understand each other. Then listen for the answer and then act upon it.